"You said so," I sigh at my son.
He said he wanted A, so I made A, and then B was what he wanted. I made B again, and then it had to be A. With a son who comes to a boil in an instant, I sometimes end up reacting emotionally.
He has only just begun to string short words together. Even trying to talk it through calmly, there were times he could not meet me. I felt guilty that my response to him shifted with how much room I had.
At some point I noticed this was not only at the table with my son. I have given a doubtful look to someone who turned sour, or bristled when a sore spot was hit. Even without raising my voice or using force, it was clear I was not calm.
For now I am treating this as enough, if I can say "thank you" and "I'm sorry". Settling my heart at once was still hard. So after a pause, I began with thanks.
That I am grateful to you. That I am sorry I got emotional over a small thing. That I want you to tell me how you felt just now.
After the next sigh, I want us to be closer.